Sweet sorrow

Somehow my weeks always end up with a theme attached to them. This week’s theme is the value of unhappiness. Not necessarily unhappiness in a long-term sense, but value in the sad moments, the painful moments of self-honesty, and the empathetic sharing in the sorrows of others.

You may recall that last week’s theme was happiness. This week, I’ve been reading a book called Against Happiness:  In Praise of Melancholy by Eric Wilson (he also runs a website, though it hasn’t been updated since May). The point of his book is that there’s great value in melancholy. A review will be forthcoming, so I won’t go into too much detail right now, but this book really got me thinking.

Then I chatted with a dear friend about pain and loneliness and the reality of those feelings and experiences.

This series of events led me to think really hard about what’s going on with me right now. I’ve never had a better opportunity to write, yet I can’t seem to get going on a book. I can write vignettes until the cows come home, but I struggle to get past that. I surmised that one of my problems was my lack of plotting ability. Luckily, I have a plotting book called Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell. I hadn’t used it too much, but decided that yesterday was as good a day as any to bust it out.

The chapter I worked through today was about developing plot ideas. However, before even starting to generate them, the author suggests spending some time getting familiar with your reasons for writing so that you can filter your plot ideas through that knowledge (make sure you’re writing about more than just your own personal beefs and such). One question was particularly poignant for me.

“What three events from your childhood helped shape who you are?”

If you haven’t already guessed, which I’m sure you haven’t unless you’re an authenticity nerd like me, one of the key parts of being authentic, according to Gardner & Avolio (prominent scholars on authentic leadership), is recognizing key moments in your life that have had a major impact on who you are and how you interact with the world.

I pondered the question for a moment and decided that I couldn’t really think of three childhood moments in particular, but three things in general from my childhood that have inspired me to write.

1. Books always provided a much needed escape for me. I lived about 20 miles outside of town as a kid. This translated to a long time on the bus each day. There weren’t more than 15 kids that rode, but there were two girls in particular, a grade above me, who always made fun of me. I couldn’t ever understand why we couldn’t just be friends, but I suspect that it was because I looked a little funny (lazy eye) and my family was less well off than their families. Plus, I’ll admit, I’m a little odd. To help me ignore their snickers, I spent hours reading Laura Ingalls Wilder, Norton Juster, R.L. Stine, Betty MacDonald, and many other authors. Reading was my escape to a safe place. A place where I could believe in magic, where I could feel at ease as myself, and enjoy a world that was different from my own.

2. Starting when we met in Kindergarten, my friend, Terri, and I played imaginative games. Our favorites were unicorns, native americans, and mermaids. We even had our own mermaid language. Since both Terri and I lived out of town, I in the country, and she in the mountains, we always had ample room to roam around and enjoy our games. Our wide open spaces were particularly good for our native american games. To this day, I still love to imagine things. I sometimes quip that I choose to live in “fantasyland,” where anything can happen. My brother, very kindly, recently said that I still hadn’t lost my “childish sense of wonder.” I think that’s an important part of me as a writer.

3. I adore love stories. I think that one of the best examples of a love story is that of my grandparents. They met when they were kids, then met again when they were in college. They’ve been married nearly 58 years. I’ve always admired the playful, caring, deep love that they share. They work well together as a team and share plenty of amusements. They’re always there for me when I need them, and I quite look on them as a second set of parents. The depth and beauty of their caring for one another inspires me every day. This connects to my writing in that I believe a good love story should include a great example like theirs.

“There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” – Red Smith

As I was writing this stuff down and reflecting on it, it occurred to me that perhaps my story ideas don’t advance past vignettes because I haven’t been writing a story that taps the veins of my passion for writing. Tapping veins is emotionally strenuous, but also a bit cathartic. I realized that I have been avoiding this type of writing because it carries with it something of a tempest’s unpredictability. I never know if I will come out of it feeling a little windblown or emotionally thrashed. Today, I took a bit of a thrashing, but it was a welcome thrashing, one I needed.

At any rate, I had previously worked out that I wanted to create an interactive story world of which readers could become a part. I knew that I wanted my work to be accessible and inspirational to many types of people. Today, I realized that I may need to explore the idea of writing for a younger audience. Books did such a kindness for me as a child and I wish to write books that can offer that pleasure and respite for others.

Some of that stuff was sort of uncomfortable to sift through, but, in a sweetly sorrowful way, it was also inspirational. I feel renewed in my work. It has an even deeper meaning now. Remember in my previous post about happiness that one of the most profound influencers on happiness is living a life of meaning? Contributing to something larger than oneself? I felt as though today I stepped closer to achieving that in my life.

So, now that I’ve rambled on for a while, my challenge to you, dear readers, is to take some time for honest introspection. Truly, why do you want to do what you’re doing? What events from your life have profoundly influenced you? Who has made a difference in the way you look at the world? Who do you wish to affect through your meaningful work?

Challenge:  What three things from your childhood have shaped who you are today? What do these things reveal to you about what you’re doing now or what you want to do?

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